Talk is cheap.

I hope that I am never a person others would consider as "a dreamer". While that's not a bad thing, I never want to be a person who doesn't follow through. A friend of mine had said recently that if you do something everyday towards a goal, even if it's the smallest action ever, at least you're consistently moving forward towards it,.. not just staying in one place and DEFINITELY not moving backward.

Shock me shock me.

What if it turns out I made a mistake. What if I'm not happy. What if I'm miserable. What if my job is a total joke. What if I'm not good enough for my job. What if I can't hold it down financially. What if I hate my house. What if I hate my roommmates. What if they hate me. What if I have to work all the time and never get to play. What if I have no one to play WITH. What if I don't meet anyone new. What if I realize that I've taken most of my life for granted. What if everything is happening too quickly. How do you ever know what is right?

At my current job I've always had to fight for designs that I really believe in. I've always had to defend everything despite the snide remarks or jokes the bosses made about designs I did. I made a purple penleton last season that the bosses said looked like a "black people shirt". Today I was informed that Hot Topic bought the shirt for a test run of 5,000 units to start.

Shocker.

My Weekend.

Comforted a friend who needed it. Checked out a friends band who wanted some support. Packed as much as the boxes I had would allow. Scored a new ferret. Spent time with a cousin I haven't seen in forever. Had the first and last semi-party at this apartment. Peed off my balcony twice (stupid). And did this shoot with Adam.











I'm spent.

Thank GOD.

Could've been rough.

I love my mum.

My mom is generally the best ever. Not only my best friend but just an all around good person. She came all the way down here on her last days off of work to help me clean the grimiest of grime in my apartment while I was at work. I came home to a near spotless place, and of course she was just happy to help me. She preceded to take me to sushi, go to starbucks and kick it with me and my friend Zac to talk shit while watching the good ol' Olympics. I feel like no "thanks" is ever good enough. Not for any one thing she does, and definitely not for the endless list of things she's done. I've always felt that way. She is so selfless. I can only hope and aspire to be so selfless some day. It feels beyond me. I'm SELFISH. AS FUCK. When will I grow out of that....? I'm so lucky to have an amazing family. It becomes more clear to me on a daily basis that MOST PEOPLE don't have that. It hurts my heart to think about anything happened to anyone I love. The world is crazy and life is crazier.

On a lighter note.... jumped the last hurdle today on the moving tip. Put in the notice with the ol' jobby. The blank stare on my bosses face was not what I expected. I don't know what I expected. When all is said and done, it just is what it is. That is all.

I feel bad that I don't have time to return a lot of calls because everything is so hectic. I don't want anyone to think that I'm avoiding them or not spending time on them. I just HAVE NO TIME at all to try to organize and compartmentalize my life right now, but I still have to. (Is compartmentalize a word?? If not, it should be.)

And lastly,... still kinda tripping on some major shit. If this last thing would fully come to surface, I'd feel like I have the ability to be... happy?? Excited?? Just be. Period. As of now it's all about "ignore".

2nd Street.

I took a friend of mine out to dinner tonight for her "after-birthday" birthday dinner. She had a party that I swore I would show up to, and in standard "me" fashion I couldn't make it. But it was legit... I had to fly to SF for a potential job that turned out to be my NEW job and the reason for currently being on the verge of a completely different life than the one I currently entertain. None the less, it was a nice evening. I don't see "friend" much anymore, because of differences that have caused us to gain some major distance. It's unfortunate and was really devastating at the time. By now, I feel, at least, time has healed some wounds and we're able to enjoy a meal together without it being awkward or unnatural. Not completely back to original status, but I guess that's typical of a "falling out".

We sat at a little table on the patio and I noticed the air outside being probably the coldest it's been here the entire summer. I thought to myself how much I love the cold and how I need to score a couple rad jackets before the relocation. In the time it took to devour a greek salad and a crepe, I saw 5 (separate) people I knew, who each stopped to shoot the shit. I realized that in a few weeks I won't see people I know walking down the street. The thought excites me and scares me simultaneously. "Scares" is actually the wrong word. Maybe "intrigues".

I also decided that the crepe was the finale of food for awhile. The Mary Kate Olsen diet begins tomorrow.

I hate disappointing people.

I'm sorry.

Things I Will Miss.

Ch-Ch-Changesss...

A lot has happened in 48 hours. I'm excited/scared as fuck. But if not now, when? As a good friend of mine always says, "shit or get off the pot".