Tuesday, November 24, 2009

I think it's definitely possible to die of a broken heart.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

...and minutes later as I look through old blog entrees, I feel like a complete and utter fool.

Friday, September 18, 2009


There have been so many tragic deaths this summer. But this one takes the cake. I can't believe it. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the news online. I can't believe my ears when I hear myself talk about it.

Car claims life of S.F. pedestrian
By: Katie Worth and Tamara Barak Aparton
San Francisco Examiner
September 16, 2009

Gathering evidence: Police are determining whether pedestrian Melissa Hope Dennison, below, or the driver who fatally struck her had the right of way at Fell and Broderick streets. (Cindy Chew/the Examiner)
SAN FRANCISCO — A recent San Francisco State University graduate who friends described as hilarious and quirky was killed after a car hit her on Fell Street early Tuesday morning.

A 19-year-old who lives on the Peninsula but was commuting to work in The City drove his Honda Civic to the right around a car that had stopped in front of him — a legal maneuver — according to police spokeswoman Sgt. Lyn Tomioka.

The Civic then struck Melissa Hope Dennison, 24, of San Francisco and the impact threw her “a significant distance” from the intersection of Fell and Broderick streets, Tomioka said.

The accident was reported at 6:27 a.m., fire dispatchers said.

Dennison died at the scene. The motorist initially left the scene, but drove back and told police he had been unable to find a place to stop his car, Tomioka said.

There are crosswalks and traffic lights at the intersection, but police are still investigating whether Dennison was inside the crosswalk.

“There were quite a few witnesses, or at least people who stopped to help,” Tomioka said.

There’s no evidence excessive speed, alcohol or drugs were factors in the collision, according to police. A complaint against the driver will be forwarded to the District Attorney’s Office, which will decide whether to file charges.

“Inspectors are still determining who had the right of way, but the driver is required to proceed with due caution, so that’s going to be an issue here,” Tomioka said.

Betsy Hansen, a longtime friend of Dennison, described her as “probably the biggest character that any of us ever knew.”

“She always had a hilarious story of something that had happened to her,” Hansen said. “She was the type of person who would strike up a conversation with anybody. She was always meeting the most random people and then would call us and tell us about it. She’d bring a smile to our faces every day.”

Among Dennison’s many quirks was her habit of calling friends with “random factoids” she’d just learned that she was convinced they would find interesting, Hansen said.

She said Dennison grew up in Truckee and was an avid snowboarder and loved music, especially hip-hop. She went to school in Santa Barbara and finished at San Francisco State University — graduating with a degree in political science — and went on a trip to Bali immediately after graduation.

Hansen said Dennison was likely on her way to get a cup of coffee when she was struck.

Dennison’s uncle, Chris Dennison, said the tragedy is not the only one to strike the family recently. Her father is currently in an intensive care unit for medical complications.

Manish Champsee, president of pedestrian-safety organization WalkSF, said pedestrian injuries and deaths are often the result of vehicles swerving around stopped cars.

“One vehicle stops and the other people in their cars think the guy has stopped for no reason and they’re going to swerve,” he said. “If a vehicle is stopped, it’s probably stopped for a good reason.”

State law dictates that an intersection doesn’t need to marked to be considered a crosswalk, Champsee said.

Fell Street flows with swiftly moving traffic, but it’s also lined with residences and shops and has been fairly dangerous for pedestrians, he said, adding that he was pleased charges against the driver are being considered.

“Far too often, crashes occur, someone dies and no one is held to account,” Champsee said.


I met Melissa in AA in SF. She was one of the first people to talk to me and befriend me. She made an effort to hang out with me and get to know me. She confided in me when she was having a hard time staying sober and she didn't feel like she could tell any of her friends. She stopped by my work at D-Structure all the time just to say hi. She came and modeled for my photoshoots at D-Structure on a whim all the time. She was so fun and brought such a good energy. She would talk to random people on the street, didn't have a problem talking to ANYONE. She was really supportive of me and Brad... she thought we were the cutest couple. She was one of the people I missed most leaving SF. We kept in contact since I've been gone. I just talked to her last week about everything going on in our lives. I looked forward to seeing her again in my next visit to SF. I can't believe she's gone. It just feels like way too soon. And it's so bizarre... her mom was killed in a car accident.....her ex boyfriend was just RECENTLY killed in a car accident. Her sisters fiance just RECENTLY drowned in a pool and died. I can't believe it happened to her. She was one of the happiest and spunkiest people I've ever met. It is such a huge loss.

R.I.P Melissa Hope. You are greatly missed.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

I am struggling more now than I think I ever have before. I don't know how that works out when I've abandoned things I really cared about to try to do "the right thing" for my future. And I'm fucked more than ever before.

I am so depressed and feel completely hopeless. I keep waiting for it to get better somehow and it just stays the same.

Friday, August 21, 2009


A friend of mine, a few years ago, used to tell me that as long as you're doing SOMETHING everyday to move towards your goal, you're making progress. At least you're always moving. Not staying stagnant, not moving backwards... moving TOWARDS it as small as the steps may be. I've always remembered that and have kept that as my mantra in regards to my clothing line. I was kicked into action mode this week when I was partaking in the epitome of anti-action... loafed on the couch watching THEE stupidest reality show ever on the air, Millionaire Matchmaker. This "self made millionaire" looking for love was the owner of Young Fabulous and Broke,... an average clothing line based out of LA. She said it had become a ten million dollar company in a matter of a few years. In my experience so far in the industry I find that a lot of company owners are total douche bags... not full of inspiration or creativity, not necessarily in touch with what is going on in fashion, not full of innovative ideas, and not usually even good business men (or women). The common denominator: They had money. Even a mediocre product can have a short lifespan if there's money to "birth it", if you will.

Moral: I have a goal of scoring an investor for my clothing line by the end of this year and I am going to go for it and not let down. It might sound like an empty promise or one of my "dreamer" ideas but I want to prove myself and anyone wrong who's ever thought I couldn't pull shit off. That's several months to research, build a convincing, thoughtful and well planned pitch and do everything I can to nab me some cash for this project. If there's one regret I will have when I die it will be NOT taking a chance and doing everything in my power to bring this project to life. And the truth is that there are angel investors to put money behind good ideas, but I have to go out and seek them. They're not going to come knock on Apt. D and ask for my permission to throw me a couple G's.

There are so many clothing lines out there it's sick. There are so many shitty ones it's even sicker. Maybe I'm crazy, but I'm completely confident in my ability to run a successful operation that is everything I want it to be. I don't know how much longer I can go working on lines that are so mediocre... seeing brands break onto the scene that are total jokes.... I need to find a way to do what I'm MEANT to do.

My biggest pearl of wisdom to the shitty clothing lines out there: get a premise.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009


I am ready for you to get gone and stay gone for awhile. I got a few good dog beach trips outta you,... a pretty gnarly sunburn, a summer night's swim in the pool in Fresno, a bunch of bbq's and the best 4th of July to date,... but I'm officially ready for dark early evening hours and coats and boots... (not that I ever TOOK OFF my boots,....)

Time has begun to pass quicker than it did when I first transplanted. The weeks go by faster but the weekends seem to too which I HATE. It will all feel better when I don't have to say goodbye every Monday. I fucking hate Mondays. They start way too damn early. They last way too damn long. And it seems like Sunday night I'm already planning Friday. I'm a planner. Its an inherited trait. It will work to my advantage soon...

Tonight I am feeling inspired about some things, angry about some others, anxious about a shit load... Up and down per usual. That's life remember? The lows are necessary so you remember what it feels like to be high...

Thursday, August 6, 2009


WAUSAU, Wis. - A married man who planned to meet with one of his handful of lovers at a Wisconsin motel instead found himself bound, blindfolded and assaulted by a group of women out for revenge, according to court documents.

Four women, including his wife, eventually showed up to humiliate the man, who ended up with his penis glued to his stomach in a bizarre plot to punish him for a lover's quadrangle gone bad, according to the documents filed in Calumet County.

Now it's the women who face punishment, perhaps six years in prison, and at least one said Monday the story has gotten twisted and she's embarrassed.

"I am disturbed. I am upset. I am having a hard time handling life; an emotional wreck," Wendy Sewell, 43, of Kaukauna, said in a telephone interview from her home. "I am ashamed."

Sewell, Therese Ziemann, 48, of Menasha, Michelle Belliveau, 43, of Neenah, and the man's wife are charged with being party to false imprisonment, a felony. Ziemann also is charged with fourth-degree sexual assault.

The women are free on $200 cash bails. Investigators say all the women but Belliveau were romantically involved with the man. Online court records didn't list defense attorneys for any of the women Monday.

The Associated Press is not naming the man's wife to protect his identity as an alleged victim of sexual assault.

The women's plot for revenge unfolded last Thursday at the Lakeview Motel about 30 miles southwest of Green Bay in the tiny village of Stockbridge near the scenic shores of Lake Winnebago.

Criminal complaints filed Friday allege the man agreed to be bound with "sheer sheets" and blindfolded with a pillowcase for a "rub down" by Ziemann. She instead cut off his underwear with a scissors and summoned the others to the room with a text message.

Ziemann struck the man in the face, and used Krazy Glue to attach his penis to his stomach when the other women arrived, according to the complaints. The man told investigators he also was threatened with a gun. Ziemann told investigators she didn't have a gun but may have told the victim, "Do you know how much I want to shoot you?"

He started screaming and the women rushed off fearful that he could get loose and hurt them but allegedly took his wallet, vehicle and cell phone.

Ziemann told investigators she met the man online through Craigslist, fell in love and paid for his use of a room at the motel for the past two months. She said she gave him about $3,000. Then last Wednesday, she learned from the man's wife that he was married, had other girlfriends and was "using them for money." She expected the money to be repaid, according to the documents.

During Thursday's confrontation with the man, Ziemann told investigators Sewell asked him, "Which one do you love more?" and the man's wife made a derisive remark about him being scared.

The man got free from the bed by chewing through one of his bindings, went outside and borrowed a telephone from the motel owner to call police.

Ziemann and Belliveau are sisters and Belliveau didn't do anything wrong, Sewell said Monday. "She was just there for moral support. She wasn't even dating the guy. She stood at the door the whole time and didn't participate or nothing."

Ziemann's husband answered the telephone at their home and declined comment. There was no telephone listing for Belliveau.

The man had no telephone listing in Fond du Lac.

... I don't know,.. it's just not THAT hard to stay true to your spouse, is it? Really? Just leave if you're done. You cheat, you reap what you sow. Just sayin'....


I'm going to say it's not because I'm a total victim of consumerism but rather a fan of being a homebody.... and you're home has to be comfortable and inviting to COMFORTABLY be a homebody....I've been continuing my research and consideration into our home decor planning. I really love interior design. Just some eye candy until my wallet supports my plans.....


Los Angeles is crowded enough.

Friday, July 24, 2009

House to a Home.

Working on it. Progress not perfection. Fucking SLOW progress. But this week I have fallen into a little pocket of acceptance that the LBC is what it is... I need to kick my shoes off and dive into participating in life here again. This is home. For now, for who knows how long. And that's okay. For the design savvy, feel free to swing some interior design porn my direction. For now, some thoughts.....

This Would Soooo Happen To Me....

In my recent run-ins with wildlife in and around my apartment, this story would totally happen to me. SICK SHIT.

Chastity Erbaugh was about to serve lunch to a table full of kids in her Tyler, Texas, home when she got the surprise of a lifetime in the bag of frozen green beans she had just microwaved. As she was stirring the green beans in a bowl she saw an indistinguishable lump.

"I actually couldn't tell what it was," she told WalletPop. "I thought maybe one of them was starting to sprout or it was a mushroom or something."

Then a friend who was with her looked at it. "She said 'Chastity, it has eyes. It's a frog.' I just backed up to the counter. She said my face just turned white."

Erbaugh said she felt faint from the shock of finding an almost totally intact frog. It was just missing its legs.

After getting over the initial surprise, she said she got mad -- mad at Wal-Mart, where she bought the retailer's Great Value brand microwave in the bag green beans. She said no one called her even days after she reported the problem and calls to the corporate customer help line left her scratching her head. After the last call, Erbaugh said Wal-Mart said it would make up the whole episode by offering a coupon worth the value of the green beans that could only be redeemed for another Great Value product. Total value: $1.

Erbaugh also talked with the producer of the Wal-Mart vegetables, Pictsweet. She said they were apologetic and asked what they could do to make it up to her. She said they later told her Wal-Mart would be handling the situation. An email to Pictsweet officials was not immediately answered.

Erbaugh also was upset that her complaint did not spur Wal-Mart to remove the green beans from the store. Instead, that happened five days later after local TV station KLTV cotnacted the local health department.

Wal-Mart did not immediately respond to a request for comment.

Erbaugh said she's done with frozen vegetables and shopping at Wal-Mart for now -- even though it is a closer and cheaper option than the other grocery stores in the area. She said she'll drive right past the Wal-Mart to do her shopping until the mammoth company makes her feel like a valued customer after years of spending some $400 per grocery shopping trip there.

"I'm not going back – not anytime soon," she said.

Friday, July 17, 2009


I was flippin through the latest Urban Outfitters catalog and saw this Broke is the New Black tank come up. Really? We're STILL using that slogan? Let's reflect on how many people jocked that shit in the past year or so.

Reminds you a little of another slogan that got beat to a bloody pulp in recent history........

I donno... Is it still kitchy and clever if 912509125 people did it already? Just sayin'.


I've been eating Ramen for about 7 days straight and will seriouslly puke if I have to go on like this one more day. I need to increase my menu on the frugal living/eating plan.

...Trying to stay positive and keep a good attitude in this time of "re-establishment".

(Que Music: Miley Cyrus' 'The Climb'. )

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

The Hills.

My band played a club in West Hollywood the other night. Went well enough. Not our best show, not our worst. I left soon after we played and headed back to my neighborhood, a 35 minute or so commute. I forget sometimes how close I live to Beverly Hills and what a completely different world that is than the one I live in... but there I am DRIVING THROUGH IT on occasion, on fumes in my dirty Scion in a whirlwind of Mercedes and Hummers.

If you take Sunset from West Hollywood towards the 405 freeway, you're in for an experience. You'll pass a lot of venues, a lot of swanky restaurants. There are always people out on the streets in their "going out" attire, regardless of the day of the week. I imagine these people don't have to wake up at 8am and sit behind a desk or anything of that nature. An all nighter coke binge and booze fest for a Monday evening? Definitely. Drive on and the road gets curvy. The trees hang over the street... everything is very forrest like and very far from any kind of feeling of "LA" or what people perceive LA to be like. I remembered then that I was in the general proximity of BILLIONAIRES when I saw the standard RICH PEOPLE GATES and a couple places that had guards out near the street.

This has got to be one of the wealthiest pockets of people in the world.
But who the fuck are these people!? What's behind those gates? What are they doing RIGHT NOW in their home? Just shitting out money? Jumping in a big pile of it like jumping in a pile of leaves? Throwing money off the top of their balconies, perhaps. Laying around talking about Chicken/Fish of the Sea like J.Simpson? Boning? Eating? Doing drugs? Drinking? What. What are they doing. And how the hell did they find themselves in this life they lead with this wallet they hold in this house they stay in.... I really want to interview just a random from the neighborhood. I think I could pull it off. I dress somewhat reporter-esque, look really official and like I'm supposed to be there. Note to self: Park Scion down the street out of view. Roll up to any random one of these monsters and just get a little insight on how things work and what's goin down. Who would answer the door? A maid? I need to know.

And in the case of celebrities living over here, at what point do you decide that you've earned enough money or fame to post up in one of these beasts? Like when you're a "fresh face" in Hollywood, like in the case of a "rags to riches" story, when do you go for the gusto and buy a $125,000,000 home? I mean, has Michael Serra gotten to this point yet? He's new kinda. He's been in a few movies. I want to know the price tag on these people. It's just fucking insane.

Maybe someday I can pay my rent and my bills ontime for my 1 bedroom apartment.

Check out the current listed residencies, if you're in the market for a new place.



Davies Dr. Estate, Beverly Hills

West Sunset Blvd.

Hornby Hills

Friday, June 19, 2009

Secrets Revealed.

So my mom just turned the big 5-0. I was at a total loss on what to get her for her b-day... I mean parents are so hard to buy for in general. 50 is kind of a big deal. Mind you I'm super POOR as usual and no fantastic ideas were coming to mind. A few weeks ago when we were home visiting, Mom struts out with a flowery band around her ankle.... a PRESS ONNN TATTOO! haha. So funny. But she said she was kind of dabbling with the idea of getting a real one since she'll be 50.... so perfect 50th birthday present was born. I'm stoked to see what she decides to get. Two weeks from now we'll have some major photo documentation. Stay tuned.

In the mean time, enjoy an interesting translation from some scholar about tattoo placement and connotation. SECRETS REVEALED! Ha.