Explosions in the Sky.

Right now is ROUGH AS FUCK. And I feel like I can't talk about it. There is so much going on in my head. I feel like all I do is complain and I feel awful about that.. but I can't help it. It's how I feel. Most of the time,.. at least in the last week. I have ZERO DOLLARS. I have about 9 parking tickets I owe money for. I make no money. I have bills and tons of shit to pay. Its just piling up and piling up. I go to a job everyday that takes up all of my day, that I completely hate and make peanuts at, if I get paid at all. I don't feel like I have a very comfortable place to retreat to. My life might completely change in less than two weeks but I don't know for sure yet. It's driving me fucking nutts. I feel completely unstable right now in my life, and that alone makes me feel like I'm bringing down everyone around me. I can't talk to people I love about it because it just makes it worse it seems. In turn I'm driving them away. I feel like i haven't accomplished anything at all since moving here to SF, which really isn't true, but it's all I can see right now. Since RIGHT NOW isn't the greatest time for me, I feel like everything is completely awful and always has been. I'm such an alcy. That is straight up alcy brain weirdness. I just wish that I could get a free pass for the week and not have this crazy thought stuff held against me forever.... because I'm pretty sure it's gettin' written in the books. I just want to be creative and productive and inspired and feel accomplished, which i am currently involved in none of those things and it makes me CRAZY.